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A New Post [19 Jan 2016|03:28am]
So I randomly remembered I had this and all the good times and friends that were had and made.

Also, man the UI for LiveJournal went through an update some time didn't it? It's really slick and nice now. Also, I haven't noticed any of the sleazy ads that were haunting it a while back.
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Throwback Idealism [19 Mar 2014|11:39pm]
I saw this recently while looking for something and I thought it was worthy of being shared again.

"I'd just like to say Crysalim is the most idealistic person I've ever met. Both a dreamer and more importantly a doer. In fact, until recently, I thought nothing could beak his idealism... eventually Sassy prevailed, but that's another topic." - Me, 2006 (sometime, not sure when).

I had originally meant to make this post yesterday when I found it.

Something else happened later on that day. Despite my aversion to Skype, I was on Skype yesterday when a certain someone Skype'd me.

It was Her.

And today, I feel relieved. Because I think, I am finally over Her. 
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Hello! [12 Mar 2014|12:53am]
That is all.
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Saudade [02 Nov 2013|07:10pm]
I miss the days of people being active and posting on LiveJournal. Oh the old days...

Second, more people really should use this word: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saudade
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I miss her... [16 Jul 2013|11:30pm]
I miss her so much, I still feel like there is an empty void in me... a piece of my heart that was torn out and still with her and I am incomplete.

The thing is, I haven't spoken to her in over a year. January 3, 2012 was the last time I spoke to her... yet I still miss her. I still think about her often...
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Sadness [31 May 2013|11:29pm]
Some days, I still have my hope. Other days I think my eternal hope has been shattered.

But the truth is, I seemingly live in perpetual fear. In fact, I am afraid of being happy. That's not to say I am happy right now, because even though I am okay I don't feel I am normal. But I genuinely seem to be afraid of happiness... Maybe it is because in part I don't know how to find it so I always lose myself away in various projects or fantasy worlds.

I have often thought about suicide, but never to the point of acting on it. More thoughts on what my last moments would be, I think those are normal-ish thoughts though. And often, I realize that I never would commit suicide because I do genuinely think life is precious and beautiful and also because I think it'd be a great deal of pain to my family.

Well, on the bright side LiveJournal, I am still alive. So there is that.

But I am afraid of the future. And at least, I admit to it, so maybe that's an optimistic beginning. 
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I... [09 Mar 2013|04:17am]
Still miss her.
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Missing [12 Dec 2012|08:55am]
I guess, I haven't posted recently huh.
 
I've been busy with schoolwork I suppose. And just, not sleeping right and playing lots of League of Legends.
 
There were a few posts I wanted to make. And I still haven't.
 
And, I still miss Her. It's been a year. Over a year since we broke up. And I still freaking miss her. I still think about her frequently. I don't know what to do with myself. She hasn't talked to me in a year. And yet, I still think about her and miss her. Why do I miss her?
 
There really is nothing more I want in the world than to be with her.

In other news, I found two great (well not so great) words that needs more exposure!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saudade
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schadenfreude

The latter is occasionally used in English, even see it a few times in publications like New York Times. It's German though, so not that far out of place. Saudade though is Portuguese. Actually, I've known of Scahdenfreude for a while now, but I just thought it needs mentioning.
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Memories of Warcraft [02 Nov 2012|07:14pm]
I ponder, what are the memories I remember the most about WoW. And I think it's happy enough, so in no particular order.
 
Though, I will start with the first:
I remember being thoroughly disappointed by seeing Northshire Abbey and thinking this was another game with a lame city. Then I walked in to Stormwind for the first time and could not shut up. I was raving about how grand and splendid the city was. I loved the epic feel of the valley of heroes with the statues. It felt regal. It felt like a living world. With all the fluff and all the people.
 
I remember the first time killing Ragnaros in Molten Core. This was when Ragnaros was challenging and it took us a month to kill him or so. He was the first endboss raid in WoW and it was amazing. But besides that, the sheer size of his model was something to be seen. But also the amount of work and effort that went in to it. Both team work and personal effort. Bonus points for being a 40-man raid. It felt like we brought an army to take down a colossus -- and that's exactly what we did! It was an epic victory.
 
I remember killing Illidan in Black Temple as well. It was right before Christmas and it was the first time I had ever "beaten the game". It felt good. And we diced Illidan pretty quickly only took us two days to do it. I thought Black Temple was a really polished instance. I liked the idea of us sneaking in and the setting in general. It was diverse and had good music to it. I also loved looking at the sky.
 
Later on there was the Sunwell. It was absolutely beautiful and contrast to most other dungeons. Other dungeons/raids were kind of bleak or mono-color, but not this one. It was bright and mixed with all sort of colors. Killing M'uru felt amazing because he was the hardest boss to date. One of the hardest ever made. It took months, but we did it. One of the few, maybe under ~200 guilds worldwide that did it pre-nerf. 
 
The only other moments which really match up to those four are kind of not on the same level for me. I remember being chosen to receive Val'anyr, the first healer legendary. I always wanted a legendary and being chosen was an amazing feeling. And the other memory I suppose is the death of the Heroic Lich King. But it was bitter sweet. 4 months of work and it felt good to kill him. But it wasn't like the others and worst it meant the end of an expansion and the end of my guild.
 
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Halloween [30 Oct 2012|06:38pm]
So I was thinking myself "Oh those poor kids up north, going to miss out on Halloween trick or treating because of Sandy" and then something dawned on me for the first time.
 
I only have two fond memories or so of Halloween (actually, maybe three with two of them just merged together). I remember Halloween in New York when I was small. I was dressed up as Michaelangelo from ninja turtles. This was always the first Halloween I remembered. The other times I remember Halloween are from middle school and I admit those three years might just be mushed together.
 
But this is what dawned on me for the first time. The reason why I can't/don't remember Halloween before New York is because New York WAS my first Halloween! Before that I lived in Canada! And even though other cultures in the world have Halloween-ish celebrations (or maybe it's better said, they have holidays/celebrations from which Halloween arguably evolved from), it wasn't big in Canada.

I don't know why this dawns on me now almost 2 decades later. But it definitely was a memorable Halloween. I went trick or treating with some of my distant cousins. It was so much fun too. I always missed that area. It turns out those same distant cousins are flooded right now. They're in a hotel and can't return home. The main street to Freeport is still under water. 
 
So my thoughts are with those in the northeast. And also, I thought I'd share this happy memory.
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Guild Wars 2 [29 Oct 2012|04:36pm]
So, it's been brought to my attention some of my friends play Guild Wars 2.
 
You guys need to add me. My ID is Shiva.9720 though I find it much easier to just /friend Hidden Song in game or so.
 
That said. I've got to re-state some of my thoughts on this game. This game is just absolutely breathtaking and uber large. It's like Skyrim on steroids and multiplayer.
 
This is the first game that has excited me so much since Vanilla WoW in 2004 when I was playing beta. I remember being disappointed by Northshire Abbey only to walk into Stormwind and be completely overjoyed and excited. The Valley of Kings in Stormwind was just amazing with all those heroes and statues. It was epic.
 
Well, the same thing happened in Guild Wars 2. Divinity's Reach was just absolutely mind blowing. It is massive. It is beautiful. And best yet it has a lot of fluff and fine details. The things that people don't really think about but subconsciously affect us? It's all there. And this city is ginormous. For anyone who has played WoW, the human city in Guild Wars 2 is larger than Naxxramas Necropolis and Eastern Plaguelands combined.
 
The underwater areas and caves in this game are also absolutely massive. When they say catacombs, they mean catacombs. Though, I don't really like most caves (I feel too claustrophobic and hate the feeling of "being trapped") and I am not a fan of water combat. But I do appreciate the beauty and scope of it all.
 
One more thing. In 2004, I never played a single game of Warcraft before, of any kind. And coming in to Guild Wars 2 I never played Guild Wars 1 before either. But this game is just gorgeous.
 
What's even better? I absolutely cannot believe the breadth and scope of the Halloween Seasonal content. ArenaNet, without needing/having a subscription released so much content. There's two new mini-games (including a MOBA-style one). There's a new dungeon. There's a new timed puzzle. There's a few more new puzzle/platforming. Of course there are new skins/models. There's new secret places to explore/discover. New events of course. They just added things everywhere. 
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Days Go By [29 Oct 2012|04:27pm]
It's been so long. And yet I still think about her.
 
I can still remember her voice when she last said she loved me. I remember the last thing she said to me.
 
But she's not here. She does not talk to me.
 
I miss her. And even though I am doing better now -- thinking about her less, I never know when certain things cause me to be reminded of her.
 
And then, I really miss her. Even up to now, a year later, there's a certain word I just cannot find myself saying or typing. I always find another way to say it. I can just hear her voice in my head so clearly.
 
The other day, I was talking to someone and we started talking about superheroes. And it made me sad. One of the things I missed about her was just the combination of things she liked. We had so much in common. I always said I knew I could never be bored of her because we'd be random and yet there was always so much more.
 
Anyways, neither here nor there. I need to get over her. Why? Because she does not talk to me and does not want to talk to me. I miss her. I do. I even sometimes delude myself in to thinking "If only she knew how much I missed her..." or "If only she knew how much I loved her..."
 
But facts remain, I need to get over her.
 
I will always remember her. I know that much. But I need to stop being sad so much.
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Ghost Message [18 Sep 2012|06:03am]
Two days ago or so I received a text message from Chelsea's number. The message claimed the phone was no longer Chelsea and the owner does not know Chelsea.

I thought it odd of course. Because I have not sent Chelsea a text in months. (I did wish her happy birthday).

It's weird though. Because now in a way, there's one less way I could possibly contact her. Though we haven't spoken in 9 months. The truth is though. I still think about her. I still miss her. And this message was just odd.

And further, my point of writing those two stories, the first of which I think is completely sad, but at least the other is redeeming. I don't want to be like those two guys. I don't want to be in love with a girl for 20 years or 40 years and never get her, never be around her, never have her.

But I don't know how to move on. I clearly still think about her even though it's been month's since I've had contact. I haven't even heard of her. Or anything about her.

I miss her and I miss her dearly. And you know what else? There's this nagging feeling even though I know better. I just wish "if she knew" how I felt she'd want to talk to me and want to be around me. But I think that's a fantasy too. I think everyone thinks like that, you know "if only she knew". Maybe she does know. I have no idea.
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Six Degrees, Two Cities, One Love [18 Sep 2012|05:56am]
I originally mentioned I had two stories to tell. This one is similar to the other one, except it involves my sister. Well one of my sisters. Some of the details are a bit fuzzy to me, as you know, I wasn't born.

So my sister "Marie" was married to this guy named Mohan for years. I've mentioned him before, but basically I always thought he was an asshole and once my older brother punched this guy out. But from what I gathered, Mohan, who is older than "Marie" fell in love with Marie when she was 14 and he was older. How much older, I am not sure if it's older than 16 or 18, but something like that. Anyways, Marie and Mohan got married when she was 18. She also got pregnant with his child when she was 18 (which came first, I don't know, but I think she was married before she got pregnant).

Anyways, while my other sister had an idyllic relationship with her husband, this sister had a somewhat rocky relationship. Though they stayed married for some 23 years or so, even though it was clearly on and off in the later years (though they never divorced, they were always trying to work things out). 

But that is not where this story is going. It turns out, Marie was in love with another boy before she was married (keep in mind, Mohan fell in love with her when she was 14, but that does not mean she reciprocated). For whatever reasons (to which I don't really know), she married Mohan over Mithra (the other guy). 

Last year or so, everything changed between Mohan and Marie. She finally had enough of him and left him. She left him and she turned to Mithra, who coincidentally was also living here in Florida (and it's a coincidence, as he was here before she was). My sister's daughters hate/dislike Mithra because he's not their father. But my dad, has been surprisingly cool about it. He mentioned Mithra always loved her and he thought Mithra was always the better boy for her. So he's been relatively happy about this.

My sister and Mithra are dating now. Though as I said, her daughters want nothing to do with him.

Here's the thing though, Mithra has never had another girlfriend. He's lived a solitary life in a relatively innocent neighborhood. Here's the obscure thing, he's apparently the 11th employee Computer USA (TigerDirect) ever employed and he has been with the company since. He's pretty financially well off, even though where he lives no one would ever suspect. And in all this time, he's been in love with my sister. 23+ years.

Oh, and side note. I just realized Mithra fit's in with all of them having M names. Mohan and Marie, and their daughters Michelle and Melissa. Melissa married a Marcel and recently had a baby named Madison.
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Language [13 Sep 2012|07:47pm]
Beautiful and Intricate
Temporal
Abstract
Symbolic
Ascending
Progressive
Human
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Six Degrees, Three Cities, One Love [07 Sep 2012|04:52am]
I often think of things I want to write here. Usually when I am laying in bed and my mind is free thinking, but then I often don't right it because I am in bed. Other times, I think of things but I quickly force myself to move away and be busy.

But not this time. It might be almost 5 am, but I will write. Last year I came upon two interesting stories of the power of love. I would say amazing, becuase there are some amazing elements to it, but on the other hand I think it might be a bit sad.

Some of it concerns "six degrees of separation" and also how small of a world it is.

I don't really know how to begin, because one "story" is fragmented in two halves. But here's a shot. So for years and I mean decades my mom has had this really good friend who happens to be a Priest's daughter (I imagine this is how my mother came to know this person). This particular friend is also somewhat close to my sister to the point my sister calls her "Auntie Renu" and such. I mean this friend has sometimes taken care/watched my sister since my sister was a babie and also has a daughter slightly younger than my sister. Anyways, this person "Renu" has been in a somewhat unhappy marriage also for decades. (I would say this person is my mom's best friend, but it's better to phrase it as my mom is this person's best friend as the relationship is more one-sided). The thing is, there was apparently a boy "Renu" fell in love with when she was a teenager, but she was forbidden to marry or be with the boy by her father. In the end, she ended up marrying the son of another Priest and they've been unhappily married for the past few decades (if there was ever any bliss there, I don't know, I am not old enough and/or don't know the details). She of course lost contact with the boy after she was married and so on.

So sometime last year my aunt in New York (my father's sister) was telling my mother about this man she met. She said the man was in his 50s or 60s but single. I should add this particular Aunt is incredibly nosey (though very kindhearted and usually with good intentions, she's just supremely curious. Anyways, so my Aunt asked this guy why he's never had a girlfriend or never got married or never had children. He told my aunt when he was a young man in another country he met this girl who was a Priest's daughter and he fell in love with her. But he was forbidden to marry her by her father. And he's been in love with her ever since -- all these decades past. He's never been able to fall in love with anyone else.

Yes, the man my Aunt met (and keep in mind, this is my father's sister, my aunt doesn't know the Priest or "Renu") was the long lost love of "Renu" and vice-versa. Funny how that works, several decades and thousands of miles apart. My mother and "Renu" live in Florida of course, my Aunt and the guy live in New York and the romance between the two occured in another country hundreds of miles away.

My mother though didn't divulge to either my Aunt or Renu the other half of the story. I find it fascinating. Amazing even. And at the sametime incredibly depressing. On one side a woman unhappily married and on the other side a man living a solitary life being in love with a girl who he has not known for decades. 

I had another story to tell, but perhaps I've written enough for today. Maybe I can actually sleep.
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A Double Post [16 Aug 2012|04:26pm]
I originally mentioned I was going to Double Post the other day and I ended up not.

Well the truth is, I was strangely busy. For the first time I met an older half-sister of mine. Think I met her three times this past week though she left already. She was in town on work and it's the first time I've seen her even though she's ~around 30.

That was crazy too, she's only slightly older than me. I mean I get along great with Sasha who is ~6 years younger than me. I wonder what it would've been like growing up with Neasha (I think that's how you spell her name, though I've always thought it was Neisha). 

She's really shy and timid though. She's married and has two kids. I don't remember her son's name but her daughter is named Kvari. The Aryan blood is definitely strong in them as well. All three of them (my sister and her kids) have incredibly light skin. I don't know anything about her mother or the like and I know very little about her.

I am not really sure why no one talks to her. Apparently the only one in my family who is in any kind of regular contact with her is my oldest sister. Though Neasha always calls my dad on father's day. Every father's day.

Oddly, even though my mother and father introduced me to her, niether one of them said she was my half sister. She didn't introduce herself as such either. But I knew because my aunt(s) have mentioned it before. Afterwards my other sister (Leela) mentioned the first time she met Neasha as well. For whatever reasons, Neasha was 14 when Leela first met her.

I also (again) realized I have a lot of sisters. And a lot of neices. And a lot of female cousins (on both sides of the family!). But I was thinking about this because of the strong bond my sisters have with their daughters. And I thought about how they all have daughters too (except for my youngest sister, of course). My neices are 26, 23, 20, 18, 12, 11 and Kvari is 6. (Yes. My neice is older than me.)

Oh, on that note. I am also a Great Uncle I suppose. Melissa gave birth to a healthy baby girl named Madison on August 7th I believe. 
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A Follow Up [16 Aug 2012|04:15pm]
I suppose my sadness has diminished, but it has not gone away. Even though it's been a year. When is this suppose to be easier or get better?

It's funny though. I was thinking about WoW the other day, since it also means it's been a year since I quit WoW. I was thinking what would cause me to go back to WoW. And I thought to myself, there's two things (well maybe three, but the third will never happen, WoW can never go back to it's past gloriousness, just have to accept things changed and there will never be an epoch like that again, just like how MUDs will never return to their golden age).

1.) Of course is Her. If she started talking to me and asked me to go back. I would. Just to play with her. I don't care.
2.) Syphier / Andrew. I mean, I've known Syphier since I first joined Exodus back in 2006 (or was it 2005?) and we rose up the ranks together, with him eventually being GM and such. Yeah! Top 100 WoW Guild and all. I loved the atmosphere there. And the history. If Syphier said "Hey, I am returning to raiding and getting the old crew together" I'll join. I mean after all, this is the reason I even started playing SWTOR (I also quit that months ago, but SWTOR has an amazing single player game. I've commented it's like playing Dragon Age: Origins except it's actually balanced!). Though SWTOR turned out to be another WoW clone with less people and less content.
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Post [14 Aug 2012|12:25pm]
So I haven't posted in a while. I thought about posting yesterday. But then, I got a bit busy. It was a busy week in more than one ways.

I decided though, I should make two posts.

It's slightly been over a year since she dumped me. I still missed her. August 10th was her birthday. It's weird. But I remember her birthday, I can't remember the birthday of anyone else for the most part (actually, I take that back, I do roughly know when Kayla's birthday is, but that's only because it's near my birthday -- I still don't remember the exact date though, if it was January 8th or January 10th). 

I don't know what I want to say. Just I miss her. I still miss her. It's been a year and I am not exactly over her. I had so much I wanted to say and now I am sitting here writing and I am just a blank slate.
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Happiness and my Imagination [13 May 2012|11:40pm]
I still think about her. I really don't know what to do about this. So I am writing about it, because it's suppose to make me feel better. But I just don't know how to deal.

I think about her. But she does not talk to me. I need to get over her. But how?

I thought about it. I thought about my life. What I wanted. What I would be doing differently. What is happiness?

I am totally frustrated by my situation, some of which is out of control and some of which I feel like I could have more control over but I do not know how, so I am a bit naive and that is in and of itself frustrating. I also hate when people tell me "things could be worst" or there are other people worst off than me. That's not suppose to make me feel better. That just means other people are in shitty situations and we should do something about it, we shouldn't try to make ourselves feel better just because there are others less fortunate than us. That's a scary society and it's very elitist and arrogant in my mind. I agree, I should be thankful. And it's a realization causing me to be thankful.

I try to improve the things which ARE in my control. Like my body and my education. I've of course been focusing on my weight and I've also been wanting to build my stamina more to be a better runner. Right now, I totally just can't keep running for long periods. But I force myself to walk for 30 minutes straight and to do light-weight cardio in hopes of building my stamina.

And while I don't micro-manage my nutrients, I do generally have macro focuses. I control my sugar. I focus more on protein. I eat plenty of fibers. I don't normally look at my carbs, but that's because I know I love my carbs -- I'll never be short on carbs, I love breads and potatoes too much. (This is also why South Beach diet failed! -- side topic a few years ago I cut myself off of potatoes. That lasted for a few months, but it was doom to failure since I love potatoes.)

That said, I don't really do anything specific for my "diet" either. I read some books, some recommended by friends and by the megathread on Somthing Awful. I generally do my own thing, but I did a lot of reading on various ideas/concepts/Wikipedia too.

I've been maintaining A's because I told myself getting anything less than an A or attempting 100% is unacceptable.

I do this, because these are in the locus of my control. But back to my previous line of thought. I thought in general I should be thankful. What more do I want? to be a productive member of society. With a good job, but what is a good job to me? Something productive. That is all. I have thought of being a teacher (and of course that day the manager at AT&T thought I'd be a natural there, it's a very people-oriented job after all) but in my mind teaching is always something I wanted to do later, not earlier. But I thought, all things considered, the only thing(s) I really wanted in life is to be a productive member of society and a life with Chelsea.

And I thought to myself. I should be pretty damn happy. Because while I might not have Chelsea, I feel content or progressing with most other areas of my life. I should be happy. Because in most areas I am happy. And maybe, Chelsea is slowly becoming a figment of my imagination. Was she real? Or did I dream that? Was she indeed too good to be true?
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Tea and Exercise [10 May 2012|05:26am]
Okay. I am back. I should explain. I really do miss her. Especially when certain things come up. I can hear Chelsea's voice in my head. I can clearly hear the last time she said "I love you Shiva" to me. And I remember it. And twice today things have triggered it, most recently was Smallville coming on tv. Her favorite show. We have so much in common.

Anyways. I want to be positive. So other neat thing today. Went to get my dad a phone for his birthday. And I did some research on Androids and Nokias and stuff. My dad is kind of special (in the egotistical kind of way) and without going too much off-topic he wanted a smartphone.

So while there, I was eavesdropping on someone else and I may or may not have convinced a guy to buy 4 new smartphones for his family with data plan. The store manager was so impressed she offered me a job. I said I was a business major and she said she could tell I'd be a natural. I thought that was pretty cool.

P.S. If you're wondering, on average 4 contracts of so should be worth around ~$5800 to AT&T, though the guy already had dumbphones so it's probably not worth that much, but locking up his family for 2 years is still valuable. (Oh and his daughter, who was there, was pretty excited.) 
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This... [10 May 2012|05:13am]
I still hate this. I miss her. I wish I was a vulcan sometimes. This is suppose to be easier, but it's been months and I just miss her. We have so much in common.

Oh and finals are next week. Projects this weekend. I am super-behind. And yet all I can think about is how much I miss her. And it frustrates me.

If only she knew... (Or cared? I guess that's a good question, seeing as how she's the one not talking to me)
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Posting [30 Apr 2012|04:22am]
I haven't posted in a while. I thought about posting. But I really haven't.

There's just so much with my life. So much more I want but I feel I do not know how to get there. And obviously, Chelsea. The thing is, I still think about her. But I feel like I write about her too much, so I often avoid my livejournal. Either because it directly causes me to remember her or because I don't want to write about her more.

I think I am slowly coming to accept she won't talk to me anymore.

Sad, because this month means it's been one year since I first saw her. The Avengers also released recently and it reminds me of her. Since she's the reason I watched Thor, Green Lantern and Captain America. I miss her. And thinking about comic books causes me to miss her even more.

And further, I think I finally hit the 100 pound weight loss mark (or more, to be honest). My body is definitely changing. And I actually weigh less now than I did in either freshman or sophmore year of high-school. It's really encouraging, so are the reactions I get from people, especially people who have known me a long time.

I consider this roughly the half-way mark though, because my aim is to lose roughly another 30-50 pounds.
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Shadows of the Past [25 Mar 2012|11:53pm]
I've been trying to hard to stop thinking about Chelsea. She hasn't spoken to me in months. And even though I still think about her a lot, I try not to write about her here because I don't want to keep running in to those memories. I just need to accept she's gone.

The problem is, I really, really love her. I believe I love her unconditionally, my dreams told me so.

Anyways, this isn't about that. Today the Heat played the Thunder, and I was thinking back to last year about last year during the basketball post-season. Basketball was always a good distraction to me...

There's one more side, though, I haven't admitted too. An almost betrayal by someone. Someone who I thought was my friend who also lived here in Florida. He was one of the few guys I've gotten close to (though nothing sexual, it's not like that) in recent years. As some people may or may not know, I generally don't get close to guys. But it backfired.

You see, Tayler (the guys name) knew I really liked Chelsea. And at the same time, he was coming off a relationship of 2 years with his ex/former girlfriend. He also pursued Chelsea.

She originally broke up with me in order to spend time with him. She booked a ticket for 2 weeks in Disney World with him. (Though she ended up not going, because of an accident.)

At the time, I didn't get angry at either Chelsea or Tayler. I thought Chelsea was a fair girl because she had the courtesy to break up with me and not cheat on me. And I didn't feel compelled to be angry at Tayler since he won her affections.

Though there's more drama to this and more lies involved and Tayler being somewhat of a weird case psychologically and super stressing me out.

Anyways, at some point Tayler texted me a picture of him and his ex-girlfriend. I apparently missed it and didn't catch it till a month later. Well anyways, he texted me today. The first time since August. Though was a brief text basically gloating because the Thunder won. I scrolled up and saw the picture of his ex-girlfriend.

And I wonder, what me and Chelsea would've been like if Tayler wasn't in the picture.

As they say, everything happens for a reason... Nevermind, I don't really want to keep thinking about this.
1 Sympathizer | Sympathize

Writer's Block: Dear God [25 Mar 2012|05:01am]
Do you exist?
If you could ask God one question, what would it be?
3 Sympathizers | Sympathize

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